I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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