I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
