Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
