he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
