If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
