i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize