direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
