i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
