I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
