she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
