new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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