Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
