Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
