The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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