Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
