bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
