get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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