Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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