hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
