Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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