I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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