I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
