Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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