feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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