I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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