Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
