he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
