I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
