I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
