but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
