god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
