that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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