Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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