I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
