there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
