she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i love accidental penises.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
