I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
