His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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