24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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