whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
