can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
