Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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