Michael Bay diarrhea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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