areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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