every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your penis caused this!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
