my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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