Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
