Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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