Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
