omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
