He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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