It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
