you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You need Xanax blowdarts
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
