Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
