Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
