we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
