Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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