Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
