I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
