If you die in college, do you die in real life?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
