Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Girls should come with a carfax report
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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