you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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