her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
