Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
