The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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