what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
