he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
