hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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