"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize