I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
