dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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