I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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