Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize