the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to make a zoo with you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
