its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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